I'm in an anxious mood right now with about a thousand thoughts running through my head, which is actually fairly normal for me. I'm thinking about my schedule for the day and trying to plan out each and every minute, avoiding my homework and hoping that it will all go away, wondering how it is already October, desperately wishing for a cup of hot apple cider, reflecting back on a super good movie that I saw this weekend (it was The Intern and I highly encourage all of you to see it because you will laugh, gasp, cry, possibly curse, and do everything in between (I mean, it was absolutely incredible and had so many layers to the plot, great casting, and just enjoyable all around! Go see it, people! It is absolutely phenomenal!)), thinking about classes, missing my family, and about a billion other thoughts running back and forth.
It's not bad, though! I've realized recently that I'm in this state of not knowing what I'm doing, but that I'm perfectly okay with it. I don't have a plan (just kidding. I'm Katie, I always have a plan.), but I'm actually really comfortable with not having it as structured or planned as I want. I'm trusting that everything will all work and accepting that I can't plan for anything because life has a mind of its own. I keep saying that life is a funny thing because it's true! As much as I want a road map of my life with step-by-step directions and in-depth details, I need to accept that I physically can't plan for it and have to take what comes to me (both the good and the bad).
When I think that I have at least something figured out, a monkey wrench is thrown into the situation and I have to figure out what to do. Again, it's not all bad! A lot of it is actually good(ish). I saw a quote once that said, "Challenges are what makes life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes meaningful." And I absolutely love that quote because it is so accurate and just a nice reminder.
Here we are in this beautiful, messy, complicated world and it's incredible to really think about that. There is so much out in this world, so many people that we have not met, so much that we don't know, and it just leaves you in awe to think about it. And although I still have a plan in the back of my head, I know that I'm going to have to be flexible and accept that it is not written in stone. There are going to be moments that I want to re-live over and over again or moments that I need to forget, but they are going to be part of the plan one way or another.
(Warning: I'm going to get a little preachy right now, so if you want to skip over this section, go ahead.) And I think a reason that I am so comfortable with this idea of not knowing what my future holds or having a strict plan is because I trust God. (I warned you.) I've grown a lot more comfortable with my faith and know that He loves me way more than I deserve sometimes and that He is not going to abandon me. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 and it just comforting to know that it will all be okay in the end.
And now I'm brought back into reality with my pile of homework still visible, new thoughts and realizations racing around, plans for the rest of the day, and then some, but I know that it's all going to be okay.
Love,
Katie
P.S. Ya know what this post needs?! Inspiration!
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