Decisions Are Made

Hello friends!

Happy day to all of you! As you probably predicted, I am going to talk about this absolutely perfect autumn weather! It is fantastic, people, and just a gift overall! The leaves are changing, the sun is out, apples are everywhere! I LOVE IT! And I got to go apple picking this weekend and that was a blast! (Honeycrisp apples are the best apples ever.) So go out and enjoy the weather and love autumn because I do!

On a more serious note, I did it. I finally declared. (Please hold your celebration and massive partying until the end.) You're looking at a recently declared education major. And that's honestly terrifying.

I have so many mixed thoughts and feelings now that I've declared (only one other person knows about it) and I can't help by wonder if I made the right decision...(Also, I slightly afraid that if I commit to something (especially when it's not wholeheartedly) that I will fail miserably. Or that I am limiting my other options and going down the wrong path (in case anyone forgot, I am the girl with a plan that does not like anything spontaneous or unplanned to happen that could throw me off my plan (and yes, I do know that that is not necessarily the right way to live a life)).

I've never felt called to be a teacher. Heck, I've had a love-hate relationship with school for as long as I can remember! I'm socially awkward, a hardcore rule-follower, I always do my homework on time, and I'm wound just a little too tight. Now I'm expected to be a successful teacher and influence students?! Yikes.

Just thinking about being a teacher makes my heart race and my mouth dry. What am I thinking?! I've been saying for years "If I ever become a teacher..." and I've been analyzing my own teachers and what works best in the classroom, so I guess it kind of makes sense. But I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to handle and take on this role. I worked with kids this past summer and it was so stressful and extremely intense. I dealt with kids with a wide range of behavioral stuff and it definitely pushed my buttons. There were moments when I handled things not as well as I should've or moments that I snapped and gave them consequences because I was frustrated. It wasn't right and if I could re-do some of those moments, I would. And now I'm worried about what I may do if I were to become a teacher because I don't want to deal with some of those situations again.

Plus, I've seen awful students. The students that have no respect for their teacher and don't want to be there--and they let the teacher know that. (I'm really good friends with a handful of this type of students and the thought of having them in my classroom makes me cringe.) How am I (the person who has a strict plan, never ever breaks the rules, and always obeys the teacher) going to handle these kids without them breaking me? I have no idea.

So I have a thousand different thoughts and fears in my head as I'm trying to make sense of this and decide if I can be a teacher. (Oh yeah, plus I have the fear of finding a job in less than 3 years and that makes my head hurt even more.)

For one of my classes for the education major, I'm currently doing practicum in a middle school classroom. I actually really like it! The teacher that I'm with is absolutely phenomenal and she is a joy! Her students crack me up and are full of life and questions. (Although there are a few that tend to cause a little more trouble...)I'm still trying to find where I fit into the classroom without feeling like I'm stepping on her toes. But it's going really well so far and I'm super glad, even though I was somewhat hesitant at first.

I have some moments where I feel like, "I can do this! Bring on the world!" And I feel like a teacher. And then I have moments where I'm like, "Nope. Absolutely not. I can't do this." (There's really no in-between.) I have to remind myself that not everyone is like me (which is probably for the best some days) and that everyone learns differently and not every single student will follow the directions, listen all of the time, or respect the teacher. It's just going to be a challenge.

As of right now, I'm gonna keep my education major. I don't know if I'll end up in the classroom. Maybe I'll work in a non-profit. Maybe I'll work in a foreign country. Maybe I'll be jobless for my entire life. (Just kidding, that's not going to happen because I love my retail job.) Who knows? I'm still uneasy about the thought of it (and the entire future), but we shall see.

Have a fantastic day!

Love,

Katie