Why So Serious?

Hi, gorgeous (and possibly imaginary) people that read my blog!

I hope that all of you are doing fairly well and have been enjoying the lovely weather! (Ya know what I noticed? I talk about the weather a lot...Like, noticeably a lot. But, to my defense, I'm Minnesotan and the weather is kind of a big conversation topic, so...) Fall is my favorite season because it's still super nice outside, the leaves are changing, pumpkin flavored everything, sweaters, hot apple cider, all that fun stuff.

I have about a billion blog ideas bouncing around in my head and I'm trying to determine which one I want to share with you today. (Of course, you need to be prepared for the idea to not come off as effortless or smooth as one would hope.) Some of my ideas need more work and time that I simply don't have, so instead I'm going to write about a characteristic that I have and why I've been thinking about it so often recently.

All righty, here it goes: I'm a serious person. I struggle to let myself relax and take a deep breath and have fun. I struggle accepting my mistakes and reminding myself that the world will not end if blank does or doesn't happen. I find that when I'm doing a project for a class or something that I tend to direct the conversation to the project and don't give time to laugh or have things flow in a different direction. And even at work! I currently started a new job at school and it is extremely relaxed, which is super weird after coming from a high stress summer job. I'm struggling trying to loosen up and accept that there doesn't need to be a certain and specific way to do something and that if it happens, it happens. It's so bizarre! It's not that I'm not enjoying my job or that I'm not having fun, but that I'm so concerned and focus on doing it RIGHT that I forget that it's okay for a job to be low-key.

And then I struggle with being too serious with people, too. When I meet people, I (like everybody else) put on my best face and make things comfortable (or something close to it) and build a relationship of some sort with them. It doesn't take long, however, for me to become serious and get focused on the task.

It's hard for me to joke around and kid with other people, too. Especially if I'm still building a relationship with them. It's hard for me to loosen up and joke. (Plus I'm SUPER awkward with people, so yay for that.) And even if I try to joke with someone, it feels forced or awkward...

I'm trying to understand when I became so serious. All I can think of is that it's simply genetics and how I was raised. My parents (who you will learn more about in future blogs) are pretty awesome and even though we've definitely had our disagreements, I'm really lucky to have them. They're both relaxed and are (fairly) go with the flow, but there is an underlying tone of seriousness. It's more common with my dad, but I know it's with my mom, too. It's not necessarily bad or hurtful, but a mindset of what is expected of me. (I always feel like when I talk negatively about someone that it means they're a bad person, but they're not! My parents are fantastic people and I am so thankful to have them, but they have pushed me to work hard and succeed. And they have also reminded me to have fun, too! My father's favorite phrase is: "All work and no play makes Katie a dull girl.") Or maybe because I'm the oldest child and I always took on the responsibility and have kept that mentality ever since. Either way, it kinda sucks being serious all the time and it sucks not being able to turn it off.

However, when I do get comfortable with people and we have a really solid relationships, then it's fine and then I'm not so serious (well, at least I hope so). I know it's just one of my (numerous and very odd and kind of twisted) quirks, but it's me. It's something I can't change, only accept and work with. It's just something that I have been thinking a lot about recently and have been wondering more about it.

Have a great week!

Love,

Katie