Decision

Hi! 

UPDATE: Still haven't made up my mind. I'm gonna enroll in a class when I come home from school today. No idea which one. Tensions are high (to say the least). 

Here are some tweets that caught my attention and are giving me something to think about. 

Hope all is well! 

Love, Katie 

Deep Thoughts for a Thursday

Hi guys!

Hope all is well in the world of imaginary friends! Anyway, I know that I promised that I would add a post with a happier feeling to it...But that's not this one. (I will, I promise. Just not today.)

As my high school career is slowly ending (Don't get me started on that. I've begun to say goodbye to some amazing activities and I'm so not ready to say goodbye to high school. I've really enjoyed it and am not ready for it to end.), I need to make one of the biggest decisions of my life: College.

By tomorrow evening, I need to make a decision. TOMORROW EVENING. (Okay, technically the final decision is May 1st, but my parents are tired of being fooling around and want a final decision to be made. (Okay, and I've kinda had 6 months to make a decision, but that's not the point.)) I have 36 hours to make a decision that will impact me for the next 4 years. Scary, huh?

I keep going back and forth between 2 amazing schools and every day I have a different opinion. My parents (and everyone else) are sick of hearing me debate with myself where I should go and which school is better. I've gotten all of this advice from people about how to choose the "right" school: Imagine yourself there, eat the food, check out the dorms, check out the boys, etc. And I have. Numerous times! But I still haven't gotten any closer to my final decision.

But deep down, I know where I wanna go. I can't get enough of this school and fell in love with it the minute I walked onto campus. But in my mind, I know which school I should go to.

At the end of the day, they're both amazing schools. I just have no idea what to do. Listen to my gut? Or my mind?

Love,

Katie


P.S. I found this quote from Divergent that describes my situation perfectly.

Columbine - April 20, 1999

Hello all!

Happy Easter to all of you! I hope that you are all enjoying the lovely Sunday and resurrection of our savior! (By the way, I'm Lutheran and my faith (and its journey) means a lot to me.) I really love Easter. I love the Easter Breakfast that the youth group does every year, I love that our church is decorated with beautiful flowers, but I love the story. It's just a reminder how incredibly powerful and amazing our Lord is. (Sorry if you're not very religious. I promise that I'm not trying to shove Jesus down your throat. I'm just super passionate about my faith and love my religion.)

However, today also marks the 15th anniversary since the Columbine High School shooting. (Another fact about me is that I have a fair background knowledge on the tragedy of Columbine and I'm not afraid to share this knowledge with people.)

I've been told numerous times that my Columbine interest is an unhealthy obsession. Some people have even told me that I'm a freak about it. And others have even gone as far as to tell me that it doesn't matter and that it was only a "senior prank." I'm tired of people not listening to my reasons for knowing so much about Columbine. So I'm gonna explain it to you in the best way I can. (This is probably gonna end up in a rant...)

First off, I have the gift of input. According to the book Living Your Strengths (a book published by a bunch of really smart people), the gift of input means, "You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information - words, facts, books, and quotations - or you may collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. [. . .] At the time of storing, it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might be useful?" So if people could just shut up and read that then they would understand.

But the other reason why I'm so passionate about it is because this changed peoples' lives FOREVER. Columbine was the first major high school shooting. Parents had always assumed that schools were a SAFE PLACE for their children. Children always thought that they were safe AT school. Can you imagine as a parent to learn that the place you thought would protect them actually was the place where they died?

People died. 13 people were murdered by their peers. How is that okay?

I've learned so much about Columbine because I don't want it to be forgotten. It disgusts me that the journalists can't wait to sink their teeth into the next big tragedy, the next big "hit". Do they even realize that these are not fiction stories? That these are real people?

Anyway, it's the loss that really gets to me. Imagine that you're a parent and you've been with your child every single day of their life and then one day they're taken away unfairly. Imagine being one of the parents waiting for the buses to come that drop off students who are safe after you learn of the shooting. These parents just want to find their child and hold them and protect them. They desperately ask people if they have seen their child and are frantic and impatient as they wait. And then there aren't any other buses and they're asked to bring their child's dental records to help identify bodies.

Every time I think about that, I feel my chest ache as my heart shatters in to millions of pieces. I can't imagine what that would have been like. I want to remember this tragedy for the families because I don't want their child's (and one teacher) life to be forgotten. It's the least I can do.

13 families and hundreds of people are changed forever because of this. And it feels like no one even cares. I've read numerous books because I want to try to understand these peoples' pain and make sense of this horrible tragedy, but I know that it is impossible. I want to be their voice and remind others of what happened. I have these deep emotional connection to the shooting (I know it sounds crazy...Trust me, I know). But I think it's a deeper connection with the families and the victims. It's the deep scars, the horrible memories, the new life they have to adapt to that draws me to this tragedy. I want these people know that what they went through will not be forgotten.

But I also want to know how to stop a tragedy like this in case it happens again.

I guess I didn't really do that well explaining...My apologizes. Anyway, hope that your Easter went well. And I promise that my next post shall have a lighter tone to it!

(If you want to know more about the shooting, reading Columbine by Dave Cullen. It's an incredible novel that really goes deep into the shooting. The author spent 10 years writing it, so you know it's gotta be good.)

Love,

Katie

P.S. Here are some of my favorite pictures of Columbine. (Jeez, that sounds really bad...I just mean here are some pretty powerful pictures.)

P.S.S. I just read this super great article that basically sums up my feelings and frustrations when shooting happen. Take a look at it because - in my opinion - it's spot on. http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/04/columbine-15-years-later

 

                          

Video

Hi all!

Happy Friday to all of you! Is it just me, or was this the longest week ever? That being said, I am so very glad that it's Friday. (Thanks again for all of the good vibes the past couple of days, I really appreciate all of my imaginary friends. (Sorry, I wanted to try to be funny.))

So today I ran across this amazing video again and it just warms and melts my heart. It's only three minutes long and I highly encourage all of you to watch it. (Not gonna lie...I teared up when I watched it-but, then again, I cry at basically anything that really moves me, so maybe that shouldn't count for much...)

I attached the video below and hope that you guys all take three minutes out of your busy lives to watch this inspiring video. Have a wonderful weekend!

Love,

Katie

It's Only 10 AM and Today is Already Rough

Hey guys,

So I consider myself to be a pretty happy person with a positive attitude and a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, I do have my moments when I get super stressed out and end up going on an emotional (and very moody) roller coaster ride. But for the most of the time, I try to have a good attitude.

Today, however, I can't seem to keep a smile on my face or an upbeat attitude. I feel like a horrible person and completely empty at the same time. There is this aching feel in my chest and the possibility that I may burst into tears at any moment. I keep having people look at me and ask me what happened and I tell them the same thing and there is this stabbing feeling in my chest as the words leave my mouth. Then I get their pity and awkward pat on my shoulder and I'm being told, "You did the right thing."

Did I?

I did this to myself. I'M the one who chose to end it. Why do I feel like a horrible human?

I always thought that I was strong. That I was this rock that refused to break, but now I feel like I'm slowly cracking. I thought that I could take whatever life threw at me and that I could handle it. I guess I'm wrong.

So now I'm sitting in the school library, scrolling through sad things on Pinterest, and listening to One Direction (Don't judge me. I love them and will marry all five of them.) I have one request if anyone is out there: send me good vibes today. Please.  I never knew that it would be this hard. I just need to get through today and things will get better.

Love,

Katie

P.S. I can kinda be a drama queen, so if this comes off as overly dramatic and you roll your eyes, I do apologize.

P.S.S. I saw this on Twitter and had to screenshot it because it perfectly sums up how I feel right now.

Books

Hello all!

One of my favorite things to do is to find a good book that I can sink my teeth into. (Preferably when I can be curled up in a chair with sun shining on it, covered in a blanket, and a warm cup of hot apple cider with me.)

I do these huge splurges where I'll literally read, like, a dozen of one genre and then read another dozen from a different genre. (Unfortunately I have very little time to read during the school year because I have homework or something to do. Lame.) I reserve a bunch of books at the library and just READ! Sit on the couch and read, drive in the car and read (no, not at the same time), go work out and read, fall asleep while reading. It's awesome.

I haven't really had a time to read because I've been crazy busy with speech for the past seven months, so this is really the first time that I've had the time to read for fun. (My lists are kind of lacking because it's been too long since I had the chance to read.)

For about the past two years I've been going back and forth between memoirs/autobiographies and (Young Adult) Fiction. When I read non-fiction books, I really like to take something away from what I read; whether that is knowledge, opinion, or pain. It's so dorky to say, but I want to be a different person from when I opened the book to when I closed it. And (because I know you are curious) here is a list of some of my favorite non-fiction books:

• Columbine by Dave Cullen 
• The Best Advice I Ever Got by Katie Couric 
• Bossypants by Tina Fey 
• Melissa Explains It All by Melissa Joan Hart 
• The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance by Elna Baker 
• Footprints of Courage by Jan Jenkins 

Now, because I know that you are all curious, here is a list of some of my favorite fiction books. (A lot of these books are stereotypical teenage girl books, so I apologize in advance.)

• The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald 
• Safe Haven by Nicolas Sparks 
• The Fault in Our Stars by John Green 
• Divergent by Veronica Roth 
• Gallagher Girl series by Ally Carter 
• Water for Elephants 
• The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins 

So that's what I read for fun. I have a huge stack of books at my house that I need to read (a mixture of book fiction and non-fiction, so this'll be interesting. (So if you haven't figured this out, my mind works a little differently than everyone else's. I'm fine reading more than one book at a time, but if they're two different genres, then I struggle a little bit...I don't know, it's weird.)) Anyway, if you have any book suggestions, hit me up. I love a good book.

And I'm gonna need some other books to read because tomorrow I get my wisdom teeth pulled. (Nice.) And I need more books to read. Wish me luck.

Love,

Katie