Tough Thoughts

Hey guys,

Before we get into the heavy/sad focus of the post, I just wanted to say that tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of my blog and I wanted to thank you all for taking the time to read it! This blog has kind of turned into an advice, diy, reviews, journally blog, but I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. So thanks for being with me this past year, it means a lot to me. :)

The main focus of this entry is about something that's a tough topic: suicide. Within the past 3 months, there have 2 suicides of people I know of. The first was earlier this December; the student was a senior at my college. I had met him once or twice before, but his death still shook the school. The most recent one happened on Sunday and he was a student that graduated high school with me. I didn't know the student personally, but we had a handful of interactions throughout K-12. Numerous of my classmates posted about experiencing their own shock and denial when they heard about the news. After going through 4 years of high school, there was no suicide. I thought that we had overcome it, I thought that we had beat it; I guess I thought that it wasn't a real threat anymore...I thought wrong.

None of this is easy. I can't wrap my head around it and I'm left in denial--and I didn't even know him. My heart aches when I think of the family and friends who are grieving and searching for answers. I want to reach out to them and tell them that it's OK, but I know that it's not. This isn't OK, this isn't fair, and this hurts.

I get so angry when people claim that suicide is a coward's way out. I do agree that in some situations it is, but when it happens under a circumstance like this, then I argue it isn't. I've always looked at suicide to be when a person cannot fight the demons any longer. They aren't strong enough to keep fighting and are feeling so helpless and alone. This doesn't make it any easier, though, and I'm not trying to justify suicide, but I want to help give perspective and explain my point of view.

But more than anything, I always wish I could have help them. Be another person to fight the demons and protect them, to help bear the burden and give them the strength needed to overcome them. I know firsthand what it's like to be fighting the demons, I know what it's like to beg to God every night not to wake up in the morning, I know what it's like to be surrounded in darkness, I know what it's like to debate whether or not you should jump in front of the moving car, I know what it's like to start letters to your family and friends as you try to explain to them why it happened, I know what it feels like.

I desperately want to help those who are fighting the demons and make it better. I want to remind them there is a light in the darkness. I want to give them the strength, but more than anything I want to hold them close and remind them that they are loved. This isn't something that you can make sense of. It hurts and it's OK to be angry; you're allowed to be upset.

That being said, if you're experiencing any suicidal thoughts or if you're fighting the demons, please reach out to someone. The national suicide hotline number is open 24/7 and they WILL help you. The website is right here and the phone number is 1.800.273.8255. Please contact them. Your life is worth living and there are people who love you. No matter what demons you are fighting or how weak you may feel or the darkness that you are experiencing, please know that it DOES get better. You CAN fight it. Please reach out to them. Please.

And please remember: you are loved.

Love,

Katie

Inspiration

Hey guys!

I'm so sorry for not posting sooner! Life's been pretty busy...And a little sucky. (Long story.)

I'm gonna keep this entry fairly short because I have a billion and nine things to do, but I really wanted to post some inspiration because I'm sure I'm not the only one that needs it. So here you are! Have a great rest of the week!

Love,

Katie